What you need to know:
- The key is managing your emotions, especially anger.
- That doesn’t mean keeping quiet about your feelings.
Many relationship problems are actually caused by our own personal difficulties. Anxiety or insecurity, for example. But instead of seeing how our own personal issues are stressing the relationship, we blame the relationship for our issues.
So we get angry at our partner, or try to get even, and resentments start to grow. You might still be a couple, but you’re no longer a team.
The key is managing your emotions, especially anger. That doesn’t mean keeping quiet about your feelings. It’s natural to be angry when you’ve been offended. And if you don’t speak up about your issues they won’t ever be solved.
So you must talk about your feelings with your partner. Except for the anger. Because expressing anger pushes people away rather than solving problems.
But how can you control anger? The key is being aware of your irritation, rather than being swept along by it. Because actively observing your resentments changes the way your brain processes them. It damps down the emotional parts of your brain, and boosts the areas which control your rational behaviour.
Visualising being in control will also help you stay calm, even when there’s lots happening. Rehearsing coolheaded approaches to conflict also helps. For example, seeing your partner’s outburst as a cry for help, rather than shouting ‘Don’t talk to me like that!’
So the next time something awful is happening, resist going on the attack. Instead, think about why you’re angry, including trying to see the incident from your partner’s point of view.
Do things differently
Or do something a bit different, like smiling or touching them, instead of getting riled up. Or separate yourselves for a few moments – maybe just go to the bathroom.
All these approaches will help you stand back from your feelings. After which you can start to tell your partner what’s going on for you. Talking about the issue without anger will bring you closer, and help you start a constructive conversation rather than an argument.
What if it’s your partner who’s angry? Or grumpy, unreasonable, you name it. It’s tempting to respond with more of the same. But instead, make it a rule that only one of you can be crazy at a time. And try to be patient, caring and kind.
So instead of yelling, try saying, ‘I am sorry you’re upset — how can I help?’ There’s nothing to fight about if you’re being helpful.
Try to express your needs positively. For example, if your partner is forever coming home late, it is tempting to shout about how they never make time for you. And the stage is set for a row.
Instead, tell them what you’d like to happen. Something like ‘Can we figure out a way to spend more time together?’ Try to avoid including contempt or criticism: ‘You’re such a jerk.’ Or focussing on the past: ‘You’re always late…’ Focus on moving forward, avoid expressing anger, and you’ll soon start recognising how you can both fix your individual issues without affecting your relationship.
Source : Nationews Kenya
Odartey Lamptey: I will do whatever it takes to evict my ex-wife
Former Ghanaian youth star, Nii Odartey Lamptey says he will do whatever it takes to evict his ex-wife from his seven-bedroom house at East Legon following the dismissal of her latest appeal today in Accra.
Odartey’s ex-wife, Gloria Appiah wanted the Court of Appeal in Accra to grant her ownership of the ex-Ghana international’s seven-bedroom house as compensation after their much-publicised split in 2013.
Speaking with Kasapa FM, shortly after the appeal was dismissed, Odartey Lamptey said the Court has directed Madam Appiah to move from the house immediately.
The former Aston Villa star said he was grateful to God for enabling him to endure the eight-year legal tussle.
“We will do whatever now to move her from the house, as soon as possible,” Odartey Lamptey said.
The relationship between Odartey and Gloria hit the rocks in 2013 after DNA results revealed that he was not the biological father of his three children after 20 years of marriage.
Lamptey insisted that he never asked his estranged wife to sleep with other men to get pregnant for him after allegations that he was impotent.
He now has biological children with his partner, actress Ruweida Yakubu.Lamptey owns the Golden Lions Soccer Academy and Glow Lamp International School.
Stop sending ‘fare’ to her; a lady accepting money sells herself-Expert
- A man worth his salt will ask a woman out on a date and not send her fare. The woman accepting fare to show up for a date sells herself short.
- What happened to a woman making the decision to invest her time and other resources for a date? What is this weird trend about men sending ‘transport’ to women? When did our men lose the skill of wooing a woman to the level of bedazzlement? Did the lyrics run out?
What happened to be a well-informed, humorous conversationalist such that a woman would love your company and show up – by her own means – for a date with you? Why would I accept a man to pay the cab, or bus for me when I can pay for it? Doesn’t it take away my power of decision when I ask a man to send me fare for showing up at our date? What is going on, good people?
In my time – I see you roll your eyes and call me a dinosaur – we saved up and met on an equal footing. Be it that first date ever after high school when I borrowed our neighbour’s lipstick to sneak in for an ice cream date with my fellow teenage crush, to our first-ever date with Hubby as a career woman, I paid for my fare at the least. He footed the first bill, but on our second date, I paid for our drinks.
We have a problem. First of all, today’s man no longer feeds his brain. Gone are the days when we exchanged books, read great minds, discussed themes and plots and visited mysterious places through the pages of a book.
Today’s man is this shallow-minded keyboard warrior consuming hate-filled posts and spewing the same right back. He has nothing tangible in the form of brain matter to offer a woman. So what does he do? He buys her affections with a measly mobile money loan. A man worth his salt will ask a woman out on a date and not send her fare. He expects that she will be interested enough to meet him. The woman accepting fare to show up for a date sells herself short. How does she not see this as an insult to her person?
Never give a woman your ATM card. It’s a sexist statement, I know. But if money is all that you show a woman, then that is all that she will value you for. When the money runs out, do not be stunned that she will also pack and go.
I was shocked to learn that there are wives who receive a monthly allowance from their husbands. I complained to our couple mentor, that my husband does not give me a special allowance. Never mind that we have a family budget that includes our allowances to do as we deem.
“A woman feels good to receive some money from her husband, even when she has her own.”
This statement from our friends softened Hubby’s heart and he gave me his ATM card and, of course the PIN. I do not know what tender he had walked into as he had managed to load the debit card with some substantial cash. By coincidence, it is at this time that I realised how ancient and threadbare our curtains had become. I replaced them and had the curtain rods redesigned. Our kids needed a wardrobe upgrade, Hubby too, and since Toi Market does not accept card payments, I went to the shopping malls.
Our mattresses needed the waterproof covers I had seen advertised, and I got that sorted. Our sofas were an eyesore. Hubby took the ATM card back before I could get the seats sorted. This got me extremely upset, and I wondered then of what purpose was a husband when he could not let me have his ATM card without grudging about it. His worth seemed to have been temporarily tied to that money card.
The minute he withdrew it, I was forced to once again use my brain and hands for an honest day’s work. A wise thing he did, too, seeing as Covid-19 came along and ‘shown us things’ as we Kenyans say when we can’t find a fitting description of a terrible experience. We are changing the seats even without his ATM card. Gentlemen, stop sending fare. If she sees your worth, she will show up, even if you are in Lodwar.
Source:Karimi Gatimi of Nation Kenya
Bride leaves wedding to write exams in her wedding gown
A video of a Nigerian woman has gone viral after she stormed her school’s examination hall to sit for her exams on her wedding day.
The bride who is a student of the University of Abuja caused a massive spectacle on campus after arriving in her white ball gown, in the company of her husband.
A video, shared online, captures the moment the student took her seat while her colleagues simply stared in dismay.
In another video, the lady and her groom were seen walking out of the examination hall, which attracted lots of students acting as paparazzi.A lady in the background was heard asking “God when?”
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